Relationship Advice: What to Do When You and Your Fiancé Disagree on Wedding Details

attractive angry couple fighting and shouting at each other

Just because you and your fiancé are genuinely in love with each other doesn’t mean everything between you is a-okay. Quite the contrary, in fact. Once you get engaged, fights can become a little too frequent. Not only because you’ve jumped into a deeper level of relationship wherein you talk more freely about money, religion, and perhaps parenting styles, but also because of the busy, restless reality you have now, which is, wedding planning. It’s inevitable to disagree on things, fight over color palettes and seating arrangement charts, precisely because you and your partner are two different people. So this whole thing isn’t so much about having the same tastes and preferences, but more on working through differences. How do you do that? Here are some strategies to follow:

Prioritize, prioritize, prioritize.

A lot of disagreements can easily be prevented when you have a master list of priorities. If you both know that great, delicious food is your top must-have, and thus will take up a considerable chunk in your budget, then it’s easy to tell your fiancé later that a grand orchestra as your entertainment can’t make the cut (the budget cut, specifically). In fact, you may not need to go through that long message of reminding, because they themselves already know that it’s not going to pass. That’s one fight put down before it even pops up, right? Plus, in this approach, you get to stick to your budget through and through. It’s a win-win situation, really. No disagreements. No debts. So before you go through details, sit down and discuss your priorities first.

Find a third-party resource.

Disagreements may seem like a negative thing, but if you look at it closely, it actually comes from a place of good intention: you want your wedding to look, feel, and be perfect. The thing is, your idea of ‘perfect’ may only come from Pinterest boards or the four to six weddings you’ve attended this year. If you really want to resolve this ‘good’ dilemma and know what’s ‘perfect’ for you, bring in people who have seen it all: an experienced wedding coordinator. Denver-based agencies have such professionals. They worked with so many vendors already in the past, went through the same struggles you’re facing perhaps a hundred times, that knowing and achieving what’s right for wedding ceremonies have become second nature to them already. These are the people you should be consulting with.

Let some things go.

Young loving couple in the bed

When you fight, do this habit of taking a brief pause and knowing if the disagreement is worth the energy and time. If what you’re bickering about is something that won’t bother you years from now, let it go. If the thought of this aunt sitting with this aunt will make you sleepless, then make your case against the proposed seating arrangement. If you’re at the receiving end of a ‘case’, listen, be patient, and empathize. The principle is, choose your battles and be kind when disagreeing. If it’s possible to avoid the battle altogether, do it. Don’t lose your soon-to-be-spouse while winning an argument.

Wedding Planning Fights

Think of your wedding planning as a crash course for marriage. You will encounter more disagreements down the road, so learn to work through them as early as now. All the best!